A Truly Canadian Moment

My husband just spent a month in Allentown, Pennsylvania.

My mother has friends in Allentown, Pennsylvania.

To any Canadian, the course of action is evident: mother calls friends, friends ask husband of mother's daughter to come for dinner. D'uh!

To an American, the invitation to dinner from the wife's mother's friends is a little unusual.



My husband called me just before heading over there to ask "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING THIS FOR?" To which I responded, well, you married a Canadian. This is what Canadians do. They host dinners for friends of cousins' brothers-in-law who happen to be in town. Or cousins of friends' sisters-in-law. Or... draw out any six-degrees-of-separation kind of relationship you want.

But in bringing up this situation to other Americans I realised how completely foreign this concept is here. My parents-in-law were aghast: He's doing WHAT? WHY ARE YOU MAKING HIM HAVE DINNER WITH COMPLETE STRANGERS? WHAT WILL HE TALK ABOUT? POOOOR HIM!

As if I made him do this.

But this was the prevailing sentiment: shock, amazement, awe.

I told the story to my New Friend By Virtue Of Being From The Same Country As I (see my previous post) and she laughed, yes, yes, this is how it goes with Canadians. Though she was from Toronto "If I went to Ottawa tomorrow I'd have a choice of four or more places to stay". "You could stay with my family!" I exclaimed. "Exactly... that's what Canada is like," she said.

I didn't mention that the invitation would be revoked if she turned out to be a Toronto Maple Leafs fan. That suspends all obligations to hospitality in Senators country.

A whole 'nother language

I'm real good at this.

Yes, you are 'real'.
Yes, you are 'good'.
No, you cannot be 'real good'.

At least, not at grammar.

This grammar is pervasive. This is accepted language here. It is in the newspapers, the radio, the television. If kids can't learn proper English from TV, where on earth are they going to get it?

There is no common use of adverbs here. What's an adverb, Paul? An adverb is a word that qualifies a verb or an adjective. These words often end in '-ly'. Here, they are nonexistant.

But this isn't the "whole 'nother language" indicated by the title. No, folks, the title refers to a language I'm slowly(adv.) learning. I've been so busy highlighting differences in spoken language (see my prior post, "Yes, I have an accent") that I have not even realised the very (adv.) subtle changes in the language of my thought. I'm learning to "think" in American.

I'll confess, it took another expatriate Canadian to point this out to me. She's been here substantially(adv.) longer than I, and had valuable insights for me. In fact, the discussion went something like this:

New Friend By Virtue Of Being From The Same Country As I (NFBVOBFTSCAI): I was able to take my Masters' degree part time which allowed me to have children and stay at home. I mean, it's easy to do that in Canada where there is fantastic maternity leave.

Me: I know! In Canada now you can take up to two years without losing seniority and benefits at work!

NFBVOBFTSCAI: And I think kids are healthier there because of it.

Me: It helps that healthcare is free for everyone.

NFBVOBFTSCAI: Not to mention that there is access to affordable child care.

Me: I want to go back!

NFBVOBFTSCAI: Nah, it's just that you're still thinking in Canadian. You have to learn to think in American. It's not that bad, just different.



Damn, is she right or what? I haven't posted here in ages. I'm realising this is because nothing is striking me as strikingly (adv.) different anymore. Another friend asked me recently(adv.) what I like best about living in America. I looked at her in such a way that she laughed and said, "there's nothing you like about it?" I responded that there's just not much that I can think of that's different in a good way. I can highlight a few things I miss about Canada and a few things I wouldn't miss about the US, but there's so much overlap nothing seems very (adv.) different anymore. As I become increasingly(adv.) resigned to this new home, I no longer think of it as a different place. Just my new one.

My entire thought process has already become more American. I used to talk to my husband all the time about how soon we could move to Canada. Now people ask me if we'll move back and there is genuine hesitation. Why would we? There are lots of reasons to move back: safer and friendlier places to live, better school systems as a whole, socialized medicine, two-year maternity leave + one-year paternity leave... That paints a pretty nice picture. But let's face it, as long as we choose our home wisely(adv.) when the time comes, we can live in safe, friendly places, send our kids to fantastic schools, have access to superior healthcare, and increase our earning potential by such a margin that I could potentially(adv.) take an extended maternity leave. It's a tough deal to pass up.

I'm sorry, did I just say earning potential? Did I really just say that? I'm more American than I thought!

And in truth, there are places in America where we can raise our kids to learn to use adverbs properly, wisely and consistently.