Am I losing it?

Lately I've had this strange buzzing in my ears. It comes and goes, but always the same type of sound.

The first time I noticed it I was driving and assumed that it was poor radio reception and thought nothing more of it. The next time I was in the car I was listening to a CD instead of the radio and still heard the buzzing. A lose ground or something, I wondered? No matter...

Then I realized that I was hearing this buzzing every time I was in the car. It fades in and out as I drive down the street. I tried to correlate the noise with something -- driving under or near a power line, perhaps? I couldn't figure it. It didn't really correlate with anything.

Lately I've noticed the same (or similar) buzzing while I sit here at the computer writing to you folks. This monitor must be about ready to fry, I figured. Tried slapping it, shaking it... all the normal things one does to uncooperative machines. Then I realized that the buzzing is still there when I turn the monitor off.

Finally it hit me: It's really noisy in the car when I go under large mesquite or palo verde trees. And I think in the office the sound is coming from outside the window.

Yes, yes that's it! It's cicadas! I can't believe how loud and annoying cicadas are. I mean forget Chinese Water Torture.. I'll talk, I'll talk! We don't even have insects like this at home! But this is certainly the time of year for them. Both Desert USA and How Stuff Works have an excellent short description of cicadas.

You have to admire their tenacity and longevity. Apparently they stay underground in larval form for 1 to 17 years (depending on the sub-species) and only emerge when the timing is right for about 5 weeks. They crawl out of the ground and into a shrub or tree where they shed their larval casing (usually the same day as leaving the ground) and morph into adult form (shown below). The males make the unbelievably loud buzzing noise to attract females. (Some call it "chirping"... I beg to differ. Songbirds "chirp".)


How Stuff Works offers a description of the sound, and states that one cicada can produce a call in excess of 120 decibels at close range! Don't know what that means? According to the website this approaches the pain threshold of the human ear.

Want to know what it sounds like? Joanna Phillips has posted a number of .mp3 files of cicada noise here.

...but it's a dry heat.

I know I've already complained about the heat, but let me tell you about monsoons.

In discussing desert heat my friends from the great white humid North insist that, sure, it's hotter here, but that it's a dry heat and therefore more tolerable than their hot and humid weather. I will grant that the humidity does add an element of "unbearability" to the summer, but have you been in Arizona from mid-July to mid-September? That's Monsoon season.

The Arizona Monsoon is a slightly different phenomenon from the famous monsoons heard about in India where it rains non-stop for weeks on end, flooding everything. Instead, it merely rains most afternoons. A good meteorological discussion of the Arizona Monsoon can be found here.

In short, this crazy thing happens where the winds shift to bring more moisture into the state from the Pacific Ocean and the Gulf of Mexico, and at the same time it gets crazy hot here. When both things happen in tandem and for prolonged periods of time (at least a couple of days), the moisture builds up in huge fluffy cumulus clouds. As we learn in science class, the hotter the air temperature, the more moisture can be held in it. So as Arizona heats up during the day, more and more moisture is held in the clouds. As Arizona begins to cool down a bit in the late afternoon and early evening, the air can no longer hold all that moisture and you have a downpour, or, monsoon.

If that was all that happened, we'd be alright with that. Desert monsoons are generally preceded by dust storms, called haboobs. Seriously, they usually describe these as lens-shaped dust walls that are generated by the thundercells. They can be up to 3000 feet tall, and move at upwards of 30 miles per hour (50 km/h). This part is really spectacular to watch, as long as you're not exposed, but can wreak havoc on trees.

Tree uprooted by monsoon on 17 July 05. This is on my street.

Early in the monsoon season, the storms are usually dry. By which I mean all I've just described happens, except it doesn't rain. It feels unbearably humid, but not enough moisture is yet present in our atmosphere to create the heavy rains characteristic of typical late-season monsoons.

So what I have described above is what happens in the Southwest during a typical monsoon season. Desert dwellers both rely on and look forward to monsoon seasons because a) we really need the water, and b) the temperature drops by at least a few degrees. Having said this, the monsoon is sort of an endangered species in Phoenix because of all Phoenecians have done to manipulate the environment of the valley.

Let's quickly discuss the many ways that Phoenix has increased its potential for heat retention:

• Paving surfaces: unpaved desert reflects a lot of heat, but once the sun sets cools down very quickly. Paved surfaces absorb heat and radiate it after the sun has set.
• Air conditioning: to get cool air inside you have to generate heat somewhere.
• Automobile exhaust: there is a very poor public transportation system and I haven't met anyone who has actually set foot on a bus. You can't get Phoenecians out of their cars. Couple this phenomenon with air conditioning.

The Phoenix area pushes so much heat skyward that storm cells approaching from the north east are pushed away, go around the city and reconvene at the south west corner. From the right vantage point you can actually watch it happening. Also, Phoenix doesn't cool down as quickly as most desert regions so monsoons don't occur until mid- to late-evening instead of late-afternoon/early-evening.

All this to say, dear friends in the North, that it's not a dry heat today.

Check current Phoenix weather here.

Another Single Guy: Telling The Difference Between Canadians And Americans

Another Single Guy in Australia wondered aloud recently how to tell American girls from Canadian girls.

To help him differentiate (and to prevent a potentially embarassing situation for him which would certainly result in not getting that date), someone pointed him to my article on accents. He obviously found this to be of some use, as he noted here.

He also emailed me pleading for more tips.

So, Another Single Guy, here is what my friends have said are a few more ways you can suss out whether the hot North American gal you're chatting up is Canadian or American:

Andrea (USA): Canadians on average are more aware of world events since as a whole, Americans are more self absorbed about that sort of thing. I mean, it's easy to lose sight of things that aren't thrust in your face on a daily basis. Everyone gets the US view on things, we don't always get the point of view of other nations unless something scandalous is going on there. Too many scandalous things going on here already.

Paige (Canadian in New Zealand): An Aussie told me that the aura around Canadians is different from Americans. I asked him to explain...he said "in other words, Canadians have common/good sense"!

Krista (Canada): we are hardier, cuter and less obsessed with labels

Andrea (USA): Probably on a whole, Canadian girls are more conservative than us American girls. At least the Canadian girls I know.

Ulises (Mexican guy visiting Canada):

• their accents; Canadians have a tendency to have an upward lilt in tone at the end of a sentence (a very british inspired thing)

• world view; Canadian girls have a better idea of stuff going on around the rest of the world

• at the bar; American chicks tend to try to get all the attention, Canadian girls are a little more reserved. Canadian girls like their space, they like to be more independent and they don't thrust their tits around

• when Canadian girls are in another country, they try to get in touch with the place they're in - American girls just stick together

• language; Canadian girls like to try to speak the language of the country they're in, while American girls are more likely to speak English only.

Andrea (USA): Someone explained it to me like this once. Exactly in these words. Americans to Canadians are like Aussies to Kiwis.

Lacrosse Times: Fighting Words

Lacrosse Times: Fighting Words - Lacrosse - Canadas offical sport

It seems I've offended someone. As any good Canadian would, I'd apologize if I could only find Ed Dale's email address.

As it turns out, Hockey and Lacrosse are both Canada's National Sports. In 1994 Canada passed the National Sports of Canada Act declaring that the game commonly known as ice hockey is hereby recognized and declared to be the national winter sport of Canada and the game commonly known as lacrosse is hereby recognized and declared to be the national summer sport of Canada.

So what of this sport, lacrosse?

Lacrosse predates hockey by a long shot, having been played by Native Americans for years before anyone decided to strap knives to their feet and brandish long flat sticks. It entered onto the scene to become a truly organized and modern sport in 1856 when the Montreal Lacrosse Club developped the first set of written rules. Nowadays Lacrosse is played by women and men worldwide. The International Lacrosse Federation boasts the membership of 14 "full-member nations" (Australia; Canada; Czech Republic; England; Germany; Ireland; Iroquois Nationals; Japan; Korea; New Zealand; Scotland; Sweden; United States; and, Wales) and 6 "affiliate-member nations" (Argentina; Denmark; Hong Kong; Finland; Italy; and, Tonga).

As a spectator sport Lacrosse is also growing. There are a number of professional lacrosse leagues emerging, all of which are building a fan base that rivals that of curling, another of Canada's beloved sports. So it turns out that my flippant observation that "no one watches [lacrosse] anyway" was absolutely false.

I hope that Ed Dale, wherever in the world (Tonga, perhaps?) he may be, will forgive my "fighting words" and merely acknowledge my point as I meant it: That hockey is only our favourite sport when we are talking to Americans or when we are someplace other than Canada, and that Lacrosse is our favourite sport... well... hardly ever.

While I digest...

My friend André emailed me this astute observation:

"My wife reminded me that this morning, as it was on 9-11, you could tell something was really wrong because there were no commercial breaks during the morning news shows... It's a sad comment on our society, but it's true -- you know something's up when you're not being sold toothpaste every 8-9 minutes or so."

London Calling

We are all citizens of every place today.

O Canada (Where Art Thou?)

Happy Canada Day.

Many things occurred to me during the course of this day:

1. Here they just call it July 1st.

2. I don't know the words to my national anthem in full in either official language. Thanks to Hockey Night in Canada, I am only fluent in the bilingual version.

3. I haven't spent Canada Day in Canada in three years. How embarassing is that?

In 2003 I spent Canada Day in Moab, Utah drinking "three-two beer". At first I thought this meant that it contained 3.2% alcohol. I've since been informed that it means 3/2% alcohol. Yes, 1.5%. No wonder I couldn't get rowdy. Utah is 70% Mormon, and the legislature is 90% Mormon and Mormons don't drink alcohol. Ergo, alcohol is practically banned in the whole state. This made for an atypical Canada Day.

In 2004 I spent Canada Day cross-border shopping in Massena, NY. I am a BAD Canadian.

In 2005, my first year as an expatriate and US immigrant (pending status), I spent Canada Day surrounded by friends in funny red and white hats drinking Labatt's Blue, Molson Canadian, and Moosehead -- the only Canadian beers exported to the US. We barbequed, and I served up Poutine as our national food. It was my most Canadian Canada Day in years. Ironic, n'est ce pas?

This got me to thinking about how we Canadians define ourselves in opposition to Americans. Or even just in opposition to that which is not Canadian. Allow me to explain myself. Canadians are most stereotypically Canadian when they are either a) not in Canada, or b) comparing themselves to Americans.

Let's take hockey. Hockey is widely believed to be Canada's National Sport. Let's leave aside the truth, which is that Lacrosse holds this position officially -- no one really watches it anyway. It is Hockey which defines us, which differentiates us, which binds us. At least it does when we're out of the country.

Has Hockey really been that popular? I'd feel confident stating that there are more people in Canada who don't follow hockey than who do. We do, however, tend to get pretty darned excited about it when it's a world championship, and even more excited when we're beating the Yanks. I think the recent hockey revival I have observed in myself and my friends (present non-season excepted) is largely due to clever beer ads. And expatriatism. All my friends who have moved south of the border have clung to hockey as a symbol of Canada.

What makes Canadians Canadian, anyway? How much of our cultural heritage could we explain using only affirmative statements and no comparisons to our Southern neighbours? The famous Molson ad campaign featuring "Joe Canadian" rallied Canadians and enhanced national pride, but every point made was a direct contrast with an element of American culture.

Why is it that we love so much to hate Americans? Why do we look upon their culture with such disdain? Well, I'm sure this is a topic I could never in a million words fully explain, but I'll illustrate the point with one famous example: Rick Mercer's "Talking to Americans". Most of my Canadian readers will be familiar with the show. This TV special attracted 2.7 million Canadian viewers making it the highest rated comedy special in the history of the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. To summarize for my American readers, Rick Mercer travelled around the United States asking Americans questions about Canada to show their ignorance of our country's politics, geography and culture. His sample group was diverse, ranging from university (Harvard!) professors to politicians to average joes on the street. The response was almost universally complete ignorance. We Canadians think it's hilarious. I sent the video to my now-husband who didn't find it as funny.

Sure, we Canadians know much much more about the United States of America than they know about us, but what does that really say? It says we don't matter to them. Why would we? Perhaps in all our disparaging remarks and condescending banter we're merely paying them a large, strange compliment: We're watching you; you matter.

Or maybe I should just have another beer.